my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
