What did we do last night that was yellow?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize