Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wish my penis had a tongue
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
