I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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