Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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