I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
