I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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