Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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