I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
