ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
