fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was CRYING into my vagina
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
