i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
