Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
