I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
