she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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