i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
