Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
