the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All the doctor said was why
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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