Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
