we're blogging at a bar
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
