Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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