sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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