Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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