i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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