No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
birth control should be required to get into college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
