I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
