I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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