i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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