Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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