I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she told me i tasted like america
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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