The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
