I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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