So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
