I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize