wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She bit a glass in half.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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