he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
