Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
