did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
