I am in a vortex of obligation.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
