Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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