You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
