dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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