I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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