Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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