I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize