I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
