how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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