Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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