I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
