Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
