Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
