She announced her abortion via fbk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
