Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
