My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
