I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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