its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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