So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
