Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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