The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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