im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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