Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize