I got chris browned last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize