Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
