I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
