She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
