Swine flu. Run for my life!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
