tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
