My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize