I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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