At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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