Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
