And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was confusing and full of hummus
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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