we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
40s are totally the cure
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
