Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
