we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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