yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
