I just cut my nipple shaving
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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