I hate your face
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
