so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ttyl tear gas
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
