Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
