I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
