dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
