dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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